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Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Breaking News: Turnip Enters Race for Democrat Nomination in 2020!

~This report brought to you by Pesky Truth reporter, CW.

In a history-making move, a turnip has just become the 23rd Democratic presidential hopeful, announcing his/her decision today to join the vast field of 2020 candidates vying for voters’ attention.  The turnip, who goes by the name “Turnip,” was born and raised on a farm in rural Wisconsin and promises to bring a unique perspective to the race according to campaign staffers who interpret for the voiceless candidate but who prefer to remain anonymous.  According to our investigative sources, the turnip’s campaign is being heavily funded by a mysterious non-profit, Root Vegetables for Democracy, which in turn is overseen by The Society of Open Vegetables, a subsidiary of The Voice of Vegetables Project, which is said to be quietly funded by a Hungarian-born billionaire.

Within just hours of its announcement, the campaign had sold millions of “Turnip for 2020” t-shirts and without uttering a single word the turnip had surpassed 21 of the previously declared candidates to become second only to candidate Joe Biden.  Experts say that Biden will have his work cut out for him to match the excitement that Turnip brings to the campaign and to stay ahead of Turnip as campaign donations are flooding in at a record pace.  Many Democrats, it seems, are anxious to be part of the Turnip revolution.

Naturally this leads to questions and concerns as to how the turnip might fare against Donald Trump.  Not to worry, say the experts!  “It’s all in the marketing,” insists a top Democrat strategist.  “You cannot overstate the ease with which Democrat voters love to idolize anything seen as kind of being, well…out there, even if the leadership skills are questionable.  While other voters might dismiss a mindless vegetable out of hand, Democrats believe their tolerance for diversity demonstrates how much more open-minded they are, so I think the turnip has a respectable shot.”

Are Democrats worried about what the future looks like with a turnip in charge?  “No!” is the resounding answer, as the crowd begins to chant, “Turnips are people too!”

Hope and change is alive and well in the Democrat Party.

This report can also be viewed at the blogsite, The Pesky Truth.

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